{"id":2654,"date":"2019-05-03T10:29:56","date_gmt":"2019-05-03T17:29:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/?p=2654"},"modified":"2019-05-03T16:00:43","modified_gmt":"2019-05-03T23:00:43","slug":"let-it-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/?p=2654","title":{"rendered":"Let It Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Erik Dolson\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"Soft sand doesn\u2019t remember shoes, even for a moment. Footsteps down to the beach are divots.<\/p>\n

Waves half-heartedly caress the beach hundreds of yards distant, a wide expanse of sand lies between beach grass and foam. A wave of melancholy washes to shore when I look back at trees where a beach house was to be built.<\/p>\n

The house was a focal point for the future, but did not survive the storms of life. Let it go.<\/p>\n

My twin daughters played under those trees as little girls, crawled along tunnels carved by rabbits out of low scrub. They were looking for the elves I told them were responsible. Rabbits would rustle away, heard but unseen, and I explained the elves could make themselves invisible, of course.<\/p>\n

The girls are looking for jobs in the city, now. Yesterday I asked each if she was okay with my selling the lot. Each said it was not a big deal, that trips to rented beach houses are their primary memories. Their mother had asked them the same question when she sold her property next door. Let it go.<\/p>\n

The building of a beach house was an iridescent dream of their parents, like a glass ball that\u00a0 <\/span>washed up along the\u00a0 <\/span>shore. Before I shattered it. There\u2019s a design on my desk for this house that will never be built. I see it tucked behind a row of dark green scrub pine, on pilings, windows embracing miles of beach and years of sunsets, A short stair leads from the deck down to the path where my footsteps are already beginning to fill with sand. Let it go.<\/p>\n

Someone asked if I\u2019d consider selling the lot. I checked with my daughters. It didn\u2019t matter to them, so the answer was yes. I came down to take care of legal housekeeping. I\u2019ll use the money on other projects found and conceived as I push forward with no destination, projects that will probably be successful, if without emotional content. Success of the mind if not the heart.<\/p>\n

I used to say I wanted to belong to someone, and yet, I\u2019ve always run away. My ex said once that I always let go of what I want to reach for what I can\u2019t have. She doesn\u2019t remember saying it, so the words meant more to me than to her, and that\u2019s an irony in itself.<\/p>\n

We do not persist. Driving over bridges that are older than me and will be there far longer than I will be, I ask where is my religion, my nationalism, my attachment to something larger that will give me significance beyond evaporating self? Let it go.<\/p>\n

Walking toward the ocean on a spectacular day on the Oregon coast, I find it hard to let go of a piece of indifferent land. Walking the same route back to the car, I see my earlier footsteps have already started to disappear.<\/p>\n

Wind cuts around rocks lying on the sand, blowing support away grain by grain, until finally the rocks lean slowly forward, then tumble to a new position where the wind will sculpt another unstable pedestal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Erik Dolson\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"Soft sand doesn\u2019t remember shoes, even for a moment. Footsteps down to the beach are divots.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2654","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3mcOb-GO","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2654","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2654"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2654\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2660,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2654\/revisions\/2660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2654"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2654"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2654"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}