{"id":2804,"date":"2019-10-05T18:02:14","date_gmt":"2019-10-06T01:02:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/?p=2804"},"modified":"2019-10-07T18:03:10","modified_gmt":"2019-10-08T01:03:10","slug":"the-people-he-trusts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/?p=2804","title":{"rendered":"The People He Trusts"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Erik Dolson<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe only people you can trust are those looking after their own interests,\u201d Donnie Boastful thought as he looked for his tanning goggles. He wasn\u2019t lonely, just without without friends. Even suckup Roger the Rock was reluctant to pick up the phone since he was on trial.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s my Roy Cohn?\u201d Donnie wondered, as he often did.
\nHe thought about calling Rudy the Rat, who had become something of a pet. But Rudy was spending so much time on TV contradicting himself that even Donnie couldn\u2019t tell where he stood.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cBy you,\u201d Rudy told him when asked. Donnie liked that, though it made him a bit squeamish. But at least rats were better than dogs.<\/p>\n

Donnie needed somebody else to help with this Ukraine project. That nasty woman, the ambassador to Ukraine, she was bad news. She had experience, training, and worst of all, ethics. She balked at trading weapons for Biden dirt. Rudy said he\u2019d heard she wouldn\u2019t play ball, so Donnie decided to give her a carreer change.<\/p>\n

She didn’t get it. How do you clean up corruption if you can\u2019t make a few payoffs?! That\u2019s how it always worked in Donnie\u2019s world. Dangle a promise and then screw the other guy. \u201cWhere is my Roy Cohn?\u201d Donnie wondered again.<\/p>\n

That guy \u201cRain Man,\u201d might be good. Donnie could trust the Rain Man, he had hotels and plenty of money in Seattle, but like any goodfella, he wanted \u201cmore.\u201d Donnie knew that a hint or two that he might buy or sell a few hotels, or refer a few good Russian \u201cclients\u201d looking for a way to make dark money bright green, would earn Rain Man\u2019s loyalty.<\/p>\n

And hey, if a deal didn\u2019t work out, Donnie could say he didn\u2019t like the Pacific Northwest, it rained too much, the people there didn\u2019t like him and the feeling was mutual.<\/p>\n

But Rain Man had coughed up a cool million for the inauguration, the biggest inauguration in the history of the world. As a small thank you, Donnie had made him \u201cAmbassador to the European Union.\u201d Rain Man didn\u2019t have any experience, but Donnie knew that ambassadors didn\u2019t do anything, not really. The European Union was close to Ukraine. Rain Man could just walk over the border and deliver a message.<\/p>\n

Donnie wanted to send a message to Ukraine: Play ball with Donnie, find Biden dirt, and then you can come to the White House and Donnie would send his very own anti-tank weapons over so Ukraine could keep the Russians from taking the rest of the country.<\/p>\n

That’s what his Roy Cohn would do.<\/p>\n

Donnie worried for a minute if he should check in with Putin on that. Putin\u2019s friends buy a lot of condos at inflated prices, and Putin owns a bit of Donnie debt he took off the hands of that German Bank. Maybe a call to his Kremlin Kompatriot might be a good idea, just to find out where things stand.<\/p>\n

Donnie would use his iPhone, so those eavesdropping traitors at the NSA, CIA, and FBI wouldn\u2019t be able to listen in.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Erik Dolson<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe only people you can trust are those looking after their own interests,\u201d Donnie Boastful thought as he looked for his tanning goggles. He wasn\u2019t lonely, just without without friends. Even suckup Roger the Rock was reluctant to pick up the phone since he was on trial.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s my Roy Cohn?\u201d Donnie wondered, as he often did.
He thought about calling Rudy the Rat, who had become something of a pet. But Rudy was spending so much time on TV contradicting himself that even Donnie couldn\u2019t tell where he stood.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy you,\u201d Rudy told him when \u2026 Read more\u2026 → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2804","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3mcOb-Je","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2804","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2804"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2804\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2805,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2804\/revisions\/2805"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2804"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2804"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/erikdolson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2804"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}