Living inside it

The research for “It’s Nobody’s Fault” kicks over a lot of rocks. While I really dislike it when somebody says with the best of intent, “It sounds like you are working through a lot of issues,” there is truth to that. Still, most of my life has been intensely private. It is horribly uncomfortable putting any of this out there.

But my goal is not personal. The goal is to provide a key for those with Adult Attachment Disorder, or those in a relationship with that person, to unlock the door or just create a window, so the oppressive neediness, the chaos of “crazy-making” is lessened,  the serenity of Jeff’s “it lasts as long as it lasts” visible, if not within reach. Because that makes all of life better.

“…because healthy functioning of the attachment system facilitates relaxed and confident engagement in non-attachment activities, it contributes to the broadening of a person’s perspectives and skills, as well as the actualization of his or her unique potentialities.” (Mikulincer, Mario (2007-05-14). Attachment in Adulthood (Kindle Locations 887-888). Guilford Press. Kindle Edition.)

The opposite is also true. My friend Greg would describe his unhealthy attachment system as causing anxiety, making it hard to engage in non-attachment activities, limiting his perspectives and skills, and difficult to actualize his unique potentialities.

I talked a day or so ago to a woman who is an Anxious, one of the first I have met since starting this project. She has had a very, very difficult time with serious consequences from her attachment behaviors.

AAD is not trivial, it impact is not limited to the realm of romantic relationships. It spreads like a stain through everything. But I have to be very careful not to look at too much through this lens, nor let this small project get out of control.

About Erik Dolson

Erik Dolson is a writer living in Oregon
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One Response to Living inside it

  1. Karen Smith says:

    Dear Erik,
    I find that sometimes people don’t want to understand or acknowledge what they have never experienced. The old adage “snap out of it” comes to mind. You have put yourself out there for all to see, comment on, and to start a dialogue which will bare great fruit for numerous people. AAD as you say effects all forms of a person’s life, and it is real, but needs to be talked about. In life there are seen and unseen things in a person’s life, the thing you can visual see is normally given more credence than the thing someone cannot see.

    Take Care
    Hugs always
    Karen

    The same God that made the butterfly made the locust. You may be trying to change someone, but God created them just the way they are.

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